The exceptional preacher of the early Church, “golden-mouth” Chrysostom became Bishop of Constantinople in AD 397. He used his position to encourage godly behavior by Christians, not least in their marriages. In an exposition of Ephesians 5:22-33, he counsels husbands and wives to fulfill their God-given roles, beginning with wives submitting to their husbands. As he does, he suggests some of the benefits, both to family and society, that flow from such godly behavior.
For great evils are hence produced, and great benefits, both to families and to states. For there is nothing which so welds our life together as the love of man and wife. For this many will lay aside even their arms, for this they will give up life itself. And Paul would never without a reason and without an object have spent so much pains on this subject, as when he says here, “Wives, be in subjection unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.” And why so? Because when they are in harmony, the children are well brought up, and the domestics are in good order, and neighbors, and friends, and relations enjoy the fragrance. But if it be otherwise, all is turned upside down, and thrown into confusion. And just as when the generals of an army are at peace one with another, all things are in due subordination, whereas on the other hand, if they are at variance, everything is turned upside down; so, I say, is it also here. Wherefore, saith he, “Wives, be in subjection unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.”[1]
Yet, rightly, Chrysostom did not see the husband as a brutal dictator but as an affectionate lover; he is to love his wife as Christ loved the Church—even if it kills him!
Thou hast seen the measure of obedience, hear also the measure of love. Wouldest thou have thy wife obedient unto thee, as the Church is to Christ? Take then thyself the same provident care for her, as Christ takes for the Church. Yea, even if it shall be needful for thee to give thy life for her, yea, and to be cut into pieces ten thousand times, yea, and to endure and undergo any suffering whatever,—refuse it not. Though thou shouldest undergo all this, yet wilt thou not, no, not even then, have done anything like Christ. For thou indeed art doing it for one to whom thou art already knit; but He for one who turned her back on Him and hated Him. In the same way then…though thou see her [the wife] looking down upon thee, and disdaining, and scorning thee, yet by thy great thoughtfulness for her, by affection, by kindness, thou wilt be able to lay her at thy feet. For there is nothing more powerful to sway than these bonds, and especially for husband and wife. A servant, indeed, one will be able, perhaps, to bind down by fear; nay not even him, for he will soon start away and be gone. But the partner of one’s life, the mother of one’s children, the foundation of one’s every joy, one ought never to chain down by fear and menaces, but with love and good temper. For what sort of union is that, where the wife trembles at her husband? And what sort of pleasure will the husband himself enjoy, if he dwells with his wife as with a slave, and not as with a free-woman? Yea, though thou shouldest suffer anything on her account, do not upbraid her; for neither did Christ do this.[2]
[1] John Chrysostom, Homilies on Ephesians, in Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers, 1st series, vol. 13, ed. Philip Schaff (Grand Rapids, MI: WM. B. Eerdmans Publishing Company, 1996), 143. See in other translations Homilies on Ephesians: Homily XX on Ephesians v.22-33.
[2] Ibid., 144.